How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
