I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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