Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize