I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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