today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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