so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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