She announced her abortion via fbk
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
