If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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