I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
we have pet lesbian snakes
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
