Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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