I want to stick my p in your. b.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
