At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
