tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
