Apparently you make a good broom.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
