dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
