She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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