My nipple is on Facebook.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
