I molested 6 butterflies tonight
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'm at about main and main street
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize