she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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