I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
