I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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