now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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