I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
