i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
