I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
The adults are the big ones right?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
