I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
