just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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