oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
