im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
It's never too late to be topless.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
