You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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