Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize