This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
