He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
