he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
