One girl and one boy is just not enough.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
