just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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