Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
