he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
one might say we're banned from that church
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize