he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
