totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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