The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
