That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
