Michael Bay diarrhea
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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