Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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