There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
