The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize