i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
