I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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