I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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