Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
