I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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