I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
