she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
