I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
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