Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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