went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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