I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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