Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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