just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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