I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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