I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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