; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
