I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I looked at my own cervix.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Randomize
