He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize