I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
