It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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