well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
