She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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