I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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