What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
