Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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