I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
