the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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