what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
