Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
