i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
