she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
