things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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