Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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