sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
