you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
