i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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