she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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