It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
