i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
