I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
