got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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