Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
