I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize