I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
ugly people sure do ruin things
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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