It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
