Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize