If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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