My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize