And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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