So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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