Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
