had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
