I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
