So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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