my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Couch. On fire.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
