Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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