i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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