Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
