I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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