Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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