His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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