addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
As shirtless as possible
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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