CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
