im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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