Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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