I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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