Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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