I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
