I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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