Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
